


fight through the dark

by bellamyblakru



Series: Merthur Week 2020 Fics - Canon Era Oneshots [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Lancelot is alive like always :), M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Protective Gwaine/Lance, Smart/Sad Arthur, also, he is surprised and takes a week but he loves Merlin dw, may be a little graphic but it’s honestly not that bad since idk how to write like that, merthurweek2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27855058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamyblakru/pseuds/bellamyblakru
Summary: Day 3: “You’re hurt. Please, just let me heal it.” + Hurt/Comfort
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merthur Week 2020 Fics - Canon Era Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034928
Comments: 15
Kudos: 168
Collections: Merthur Week 2020





	fight through the dark

Arthur still wasn’t talking to him. It’s been a week since that dreadful trip to Nemeth—where Merlin’s entire world shifted and fell from underneath him. 

The day they set out to leave, Merlin knew something bad was going to happen...he _felt_ it. He told Lancelot this, of course, but they could do nothing to warn the others without revealing his magic. So, they did what they always had to: they stayed more vigilant than the rest. 

Merlin tried to tell Arthur, but Arthur refused to listen to reason since Merlin “always has a funny feeling, don’t worry about it.” Merlin felt the usual pain in his heart when Arthur chose to actively ignore his words, every time thinking that this was the day that Arthur chose to believe him for once. 

Was it wrong to want Arthur to trust him completely when Merlin hides such a huge part of himself?

Merlin didn’t want to think about it too long knowing what his answer would be. 

Why should Arthur trust anything that comes out of Merlin’s mouth when it spew lies constantly?

Merlin let his mare fall to the back of the group, taking up the rear. His mind was clouded with pain, longing, and betrayal. Seven years serving under Arthur did not lessen the pain of lying to those you love—it simply made it easier to lie. 

Lancelot gave him a concerned look, but Merlin shook his head. It wasn’t fair to Lancelot to bring him into Merlin’s problems—as much as Merlin loved that Lancelot knew, the guilt of dragging his friend down with him sometimes outweighed everything else. 

His heart felt heavier than it has in a long time—the lies feeling like a burden of the world, choking him off from feeling. 

Everyone he has lost felt like a fresh wound. His father, Will, Freya, he realized, all knew about his magic and died shortly after. Merlin looked over at Lancelot, swearing to himself that his friend will not face the same fate. 

Merlin’s magic felt sluggish in response to his mood, so Merlin looked towards the one thing he stays here for: Arthur. His King was talking with Leon and Percy, laughing about something Merlin couldn’t hear, and Merlin almost felt something go through him when he could see Arthur’s smile. 

Just as quick as he felt it, it was gone. Maybe he was cursed to live alone forever. _Immortal_ rang in his head as well. 

Immortality was a curse, wasn’t it? To be forced to live through lifetimes watching everyone you love die around you. Destiny was cruel, Merlin concluded, if it forced him to live forever alone. 

Gwaine’s horse trotted up next to him, with Gwaine holding up his wineskin towards Merlin. 

Merlin quirked an eyebrow, but Gwaine just shrugged, “You have the look that says you need this.”

Merlin couldn’t argue with that taking a swig of the bitter substance. He made a sour face at the wine that had Gwaine chucking, “You get used to it.”

“No doubt,” Merlin tried to smile, but Gwaine saw right through it. 

“What’s up, Merls? Do you want to talk about it?”

Merlin did manage a small, genuine smile at the concern lacing his friend’s voice, “It’s nothing, it’s just one of those feelings I get, you know?”

Gwaine nodded his head, not laughing Merlin off, “I know. Do you want me to talk to Arthur?”

Merlin smiled sadly, “No, it’s okay. Thank you for taking me seriously, at least.”

Gwaine beamed at him, “I’m always here for you, Merlin. If you say you feel something, then I believe you. You are my best mate, after all.”

That got a small laugh out of Merlin, lighting his heart a bit. Merlin looked around at the beautiful forest surrounding them. He let a twinge of his magic escape through his fingertips, and nature responded joyously. Closing his eyes at the peacefulness of their intertwining magic, he felt a real smile grow on his face for the first time in hours. 

The forest sang to him, a lullaby of hope, that made him feel unconditionally loved. He opened his eyes to see Gwaine and Lancelot laughing together nearby and Merlin smiled once more—this was the reason he was here. The lies were nothing compared to keeping his friends alive, and safe, and to be able to keep them laughing like that. 

Maybe immorality was a curse, but that didn’t mean Merlin was destined to be alone forever. He looked at his friends and realized it didn’t really matter yet that they didn’t know. He would like them to know, he truly would, but them not knowing did not diminish how much Merlin loved them—and how much they loved him back, without even thinking him to be an asset. 

And that was the best part, wasn’t it? That these people loved him, not for what he could do for them, but because of who he was at his core. Merlin felt his pain lessen a bit as he galloped up to Lance and Gwaine to join the laughter.

When night fell, Merlin had forgotten about his funny feeling he had that morning. He set up his bed roll close to the fire, away from Arthur for the first time. He thought he saw something flash across his king’s face when he realized Merlin wasn’t next to him, but Merlin shook that thought out. Merlin wanted to watch the flames tonight, and Arthur was still being a prat to him, so Merlin slept further away—even though it hurt him to do so.

Waking up, Merlin noticed it was much too quiet for it to be normal. Feeling his body tense, his magic readying for battle, Merlin sat up squinting in the early morning light. Nothing seemed out of place, Merlin mused, watching how the dawn casted beautiful hues of pinks and reds over the lovely forest surrounding them. Merlin strained his ears to hear any sign of life, but there was nothing.

Merlin slowly got up, seeing how Gwaine was passed out even though he was the last on watch, looking around at the others. No one else seemed to be woken up by the strangeness of the silence, so maybe Merlin was simply paranoid. He narrowed his eyes at the offending forest, then bent down to pick up his cooking supplies when he heard the breathing.

Merlin stilled. The breathing came from right ahead, so Merlin slowly lifted his head to meet eye to eye to a creature: 

The Tenebris. 

Merlin yelled, “Guys! We have a problem,” before he rolled to his left to avoid the massive dark claw of the beast. He had read about the Tenebris in Gaius’s bestiary—and let’s just say he didn’t like the odds.

All the knights were up in an instant, reaching for their swords as they assessed the threat at hand.

Merlin watched as Arthur ran to strike first yelling, “Go, Merlin! Take cover.”

As much as Merlin didn’t want to, that’s exactly what he did. Behind the treeline, he looked for openings to assist with his magic. 

Behind a large oak, Merlin saw the battle perfectly. The beast was exactly as he read: it was a large, dark creature that moved like smoke going through air. It almost seemed paradoxical that something so large could move so swiftly around the collected knights. 

Percy was the first one knocked into the air—Merlin flinched when his body hit the tree on the other side. The rest of the knights flanked Arthur, who was moving fast, sword high, looking for a weak spot. Eylan tried to duck under the swift paw, but he wasn’t fast enough. He crumpled to the ground without a noise, and the creature roared in anger. 

Gwaine managed to poke the Tenebris in the back, which had the monster swinging its large paw at Gwaine’s head.

Gwaine knocked out cold. 

Merlin couldn’t breathe. He was watching this happen. The panic crept to a high when the creature advanced towards Arthur, Leon, and Lancelot, all side by side with their chins raised high. 

Time slowed down. Merlin needed time...he needed to breathe. He took one breath, then another. He needed to end this. Now.

No one else is going to get hurt—not if he can help it. 

He walked out from behind the tree, and Arthur snapped his body towards him, “MERLIN, RUN, N-“

Merlin didn’t know what stopped Arthur first: his eyes burning liquid gold or the claw entering Arthur’s abdomen. 

Merlin’s heart stopped, and he screamed. He screamed and _screamed_. 

His magic flew out of him at his fear—the monster shuddering in its wake, and a moment later, the creature was ash. 

Merlin ran to Arthur, not noticing how his explosive magic healed all the knights in the peripheral, and kneeled at his King. 

Arthur had blood gurgling out of his mouth, staring at Merlin like he was the true enemy here. Merlin raised his hand to Arthur’s stomach, and Arthur violently shook his head no. 

Merlin’s heart dropped, replaying _no trust no trust no trust_ over and over in his head. He took his shaking hands back, putting them at his side, and choked out, “Y-You’re hurt. Pl-Please, just let me heal it.”

Merlin’s vision was completely blurred by his tears, but when Arthur only continued staring at Merlin, Merlin, ignoring the horror look on his king’s face, placed his unsteady hands on his wound uncaring if Arthur ran him through the minute he was healed. 

Merlin couldn’t think straight, so he asked the earth to help, to give, _to save—_ the earth answered kindly. 

Merlin vaguely watched as his entire body glowed with power, flowing into Arthur’s injury. When the opening was nothing more than a pink scar, Merlin passed out. 

————

Arthur watched in terror as Merlin fell face first into the ground. Arthur didn’t move an inch—watching as Lancelot and Gwaine ran up to the traitor. 

Lancelot sighed out when he felt the traitor’s pulse, which meant that Lancelot knew about _this..._ about _him._

Gwaine was always more loyal to _Mer_ -the sorcerer than him anyways, so that wasn’t surprising...it still hurt, but was not surprising. 

Leon knelt besides him, and Arthur looked up at his first knight. _He looks fine,_ Arthur thought sluggishly, feeling as if his entire life has been for betrayals of his loved ones. 

He noticed then that Leon’s lips were moving, so Arthur tried to listen. 

“-re you okay, Sire? Can you hear me?”

Arthur gave a small nod, “Is everyone else..?”

Leon slouched, “Everyone is perfect, Arthur. Look around.”

Arthur saw what Leon was talking about as Percy and Eylan talked quietly in the corner, in perfect health. Arthur’s mind backtracked, “But..How?”

Leon sighed, “Merlin, Sire. Merlin healed them all. You as well.”

“The traitor?”

Leon plopped down next to Arthur, watching as Gwaine and Lancelot cared for Merlin in the corner with Gwaine’s sword in hand ready to fight. 

“Arthur...You should have seen what he did when he thought you were dying. I never witnessed such power.”

Arthur was numb. He looked around, “We’re going back to Camelot. Now.”

No one disobeyed—no one mentioning that they were due in Nemeth in a few days. 

Nothing else was important anymore. 

Arthur barely remembers getting to his feet, staring at the now small scar, and jumping on his horse back home.

—————

Merlin went to see Arthur...well, every day he _tried_ to see Arthur. Arthur refused to let him in.

Merlin woke up from that day in Gaius’s chamber—not remembering what happened. Lance and Gwaine were there, however, with grim faces of what Merlin had done for them. 

Merlin cried. He ran immediately to his king to beg for forgiveness, or for a quick death, but he was turned away. 

Over and over again. 

————

Arthur went to his chambers, locked the doors, and passed out immediately when he came home.

The next day, Arthur, with a clear mind, cancelled all plans for a week, placing Leon in charge instead. 

Then, he asked for Lancelot and Gwaine. 

—————

Merlin knew Gaius was called away at some point during this week to Arthur’s room, but he didn’t have the energy to move anymore. 

He laid on his bed, staring at his ceiling, wanting this to end. There was no running away from this, and he told Gwaine this constantly. He loved the man for trying, but he couldn’t leave Camelot. He couldn’t— _wouldn’t_ —leave Arthur.

Gwaine gave up asking three days in, while Lancelot just stayed quiet and always nearby if Merlin needed anything. 

He never did, but Lance never left. 

On the eighth day, Merlin was debating teleporting into Arthur’s rooms when he heard his king’s voice outside his door talking to the two knights and Gaius. After a heated conversation, Merlin heard footsteps and then silence for a moment. Small footsteps landed outside his door, leading to small knocks. Merlin stared at the ceiling some more, “It’s open.”

When the door creaked open, Merlin blearily looked up to see his golden king in the doorway—looking more ragged than Merlin has ever seen him. 

Merlin immediately sat up, regretting it when he became violently dizzy, but managed to splutter out, “Are you hurt?”

Arthur’s face softened, “That’s the first question you’re asking me?”

Merlin tilted his head, “Is it time for the pyre?”

Arthur walked calmly to the chair besides Merlin’s bed and sat down, “Merlin. If you were waiting for me to come in here and bring you to your death, then why did you stay?”

Merlin blinked, taken aback, “Why would I leave when you are here?”

Arthur slouched unkingly against his chair, “That is a great question, Merlin.”

Merlin moved to face Arthur, “Are you okay?”

Arthur gave him a weak smile, “I will be.”

Arthur leaned forwards on his knees, looking towards the ground, “I, uh, spent the week doing research.”

“Research?”

Arthur rubbed the back of his neck, “Of sorts.”

“Okay…”

Arthur sighed loudly, “On you, Merlin. I was researching you.”

Merlin jerked back, “Oh.”

“Yes, I asked Gaius, Lancelot, and Gwaine to paint me a picture of my manservant who I apparently never knew.”

Merlin felt like he was slapped, the air rushing out, “No! No, Ar-“

Arthur raised his hand, stopping him mid-sentence, and Arthur finally looked up to meet his gaze. Merlin was surprised to find tears glimmering in his king’s eyes. 

“Arthur..?”

Arthur swallowed hard, “Merlin, why? Why save me countless times? Why save Camelot? Or my father who would have rather seen you burned? Even after a week of rethinking every single adventure we’ve had together, the only question I have is: _why_? I am the son of a murderer! He committed genocide, for gods sake! I am no better than he was. I was always the dutifully son. You should be disgusted with me!”

Merlin felt his tears stream down his face as he crawled off his bed to kneel at Arthur’s feet, grabbing Arthur’s hands, “Arthur, Arthur, no, look at me, please, look at me.”

Arthur did so hesitantly, allowing Merlin to plow on: “You are _not_ your father. I know this in my heart. You are a better man than he, you always have been. I chose you to serve because of the man you are, Arthur Pendragon. I serve you because you are kind, loyal, strong, brave, and resilient. Arthur,” Merlin gently grabbed Arthur’s face, “I serve _you_ because I love you. Always.”

Merlin leaned his forehead against Arthur’s, grounding himself to the one thing he always knew to be true in his world: his unflinching love for Arthur. 

Arthur, with his forehead still against Merlin’s, softly said, “Merlin, I am so sorry for everything you went through alone. I understand why you had to hide your magic, I truly do. All this time, you protected me from the shadows.”

Merlin was shaking his head no from the beginning, “You have nothing to apologize for, Arthur. I chose to stay here. I chose to serve you in any way you need me. And here I’ll stay, for as long as you want me.”

Arthur nodded his head, whispering, “I’ll always want you—you belong at my side.” As he said this, he stroked Merlin’s tears away, and added, “Always and forever?”

“Always...,” Merlin spoke, feeling more alive than he has all his life, and grabbed Arthur's hand again—intertwining their fingers, repeating it again almost like a prayer, “ _Always and forever_.”

**Author's Note:**

> WOOO! welcome to day three of my merthurweek2020 madness. all my fics, as you can tell so far, are canon era (and bamf merlin if i can get it in there) LOL
> 
> hopefully this was okay! 🥺i’ll see you guys tomorrow!! im also posting these on my tumblr ( @bellamyblakru ) if you wanted to say hello!
> 
> (title is from bright by jatp)


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